~I've got emotion dripping out of my pores~

It's not always rainbows and butterflies, but don't forget about the beauty

2011-11-30T14:11:00.000-05:00

Isn’t it amazing that right at the moments when we need to find something out, the universe provides a person, place, or thing that meets all of those educational needs, at a point when we least expected them? Yeah, I thought so, too.

I’m private, so private, so reserved. I always have been. That’s just who I am. I’m going to try to learn to let go and be more open because there’s no time like now. I keep myself and my story guarded like a secret. But I was thinking…wouldn’t it be nice to let more people know me? And then thinking that the more that know, the more pain that’s on the table. Hmm…

Forgot to say…I got into graduate school! I begin January 9th and I’m looking so forward to the new changes and growth that will ensue from furthering my education in this way.

25? Yep.

2011-10-08T19:36:00.001-04:00

My 25th birthday was a beautiful time with friends and deep thoughts. I’m proud of the woman I’ve become and the woman I’m becoming. Sure, I falter, fail, and fall from time to time, but 4 days after the big day, putting things into perspective I realize that’s part of the human experience. And I’m so glad that I exist, to partake in this experience.

I promise to write more often and again soon.

When you have no words, you ramble

2011-08-21T21:12:00.002-04:00

and that's exactly what I'm doing here!

And truly, there are no words to express everything I’m feeling right now. I always start to get a little sad around my birthday and while it’s over a month from now, the sadness is starting to hit me. I feel like I have SO much to say right now, yet the words won’t come. I’m so tired, yet my sleeping isn’t as sound as it used to be. Oh, and let me not fail to mention that I’m exhausted. Yet I think this is so much bigger than my birthday. I think it’s also definitely related to the fact that my nana’s birthday is coming up. She’s turning 95 this year and I honestly don’t think that she’ll be around to greet 96 head on as she’s done for all the other years and this very knowledge is absolutely breaking my heart.

In other news? I’m preparing my graduate school statements, writing my thoughts and hoping for the best. I’m working, and loving every moment of it, learning every day, and growing right along with the kids. And really? There shouldn’t be any complaints, yet there are and I’m trying to work through them and figure them out now so that I can rest later. I hate when I’m in moods like this but I think that it’s also sort of a time for personal growth and development so I hope that something wonderful happens from this time as it has all the others.

Wish me luck, folks.

Life changes, even when we aren't ready

2011-08-15T12:26:00.001-04:00

In the next few weeks, I’ll be sending out all of my graduate school application materials and I’m nervous! Excited but nervous. I’m so glad that I’ve finally found my right path and that I’m taking all the proper steps to get to the final destination of my choosing. But really, I didn’t choose it…someone, something FAR greater than myself just opened my eyes and I was able to see it. I’ll take it.

Refreshed. Even though I’ve been tired, I can say that currently I’m feeling pretty refreshed. Ah.

I’ve admittedly not been following doctors orders to the T about how many carbs I should be consuming, so I’m getting back on track with that. I consider myself a model patient in that I really normally DO follow what he tells me and since I’ve been feeling sluggish, I’m absolutely certain those things are directly correlated and thus, I’m fixing it. I’ve had fewer carbs this morning than I have in a long while and I’m already feeling better. *happy dances*

The weather here is sunny, warm, and completely summer like. As much as I LOVE a good thunderstorm, the dreary weather gets me down, and I know this. So I try to appreciate and revel in the beautiful weather when it shows it’s face.

This morning, a family friend lost her mother. After months of infection after infection, getting trached, AND breaking her back (which was the precipitating event, much like the broken hip is for older people and she was in her 70s), Saturday night she had a major stroke and her family bravely decided to remove her from her vent last night. And she held on until this morning. I can’t imagine being placed in such a role, how strong you have to be to choose, even if you know it’s right. My heart is going out to them right now.

Happy Monday, folks.

Exhaustion

2011-08-05T21:58:00.001-04:00

I'd be lying if I said I weren't exhausted--mentally, emotionally, and physically. I'm glad to be aware of it, yet completely not thrilled about the state that I find myself in. Sigh. Oh well. It happens from time to time, and I'm sure there's so much learning to come from this experience, if only I can remember to be open minded enough to see the lessons!

Breakfast on a Tuesday morning

2011-07-26T09:58:00.002-04:00

My iPod is on shuffle and the songs that come on during this wonderful creation are just fabulous. Yes, I obviously picked each song but the fact that certain ones come on at certain times never fails to amaze me. These songs are making me think, making me feel, and causing so many questions. More questions than there might ever be answers to. More questions than I could bear to have the answers to if they did exist, but they occur nonetheless.

And I'm writing poems, more poems than I've written in a very long time, but I guess that a more accurate description would be they're writing themselves and I'm just the vessel through which they appear. Yeah, that sounds more right to me.

I find myself at a crossroads in so many various ways, and even though I've heard that I'm good with words, I have absolutely nothing to say about it. *sigh*. Hopefully the words will come...life is always better when the words have decided to show up. Not only does it make things real, it also makes them more able to be dealt with, I find.

At any rate...happy Tuesday. I'm sure they'll be so many more posts to come.

Purged

2011-07-19T20:21:00.002-04:00

...and starting over!

I was studying medical school pre-reqs and then after careful consideration, realized that psychology is REALLY where it's at for me, so I'm applying to psychology programs this fall and hopefully starting in the spring. I'm so thrilled with this new development in my life and feel very good about it.

Emotionally? I'm in a state of mess. I think that's the best way to describe it...there's so much going on inside of me, yet I have no words to put those feelings into perspective. I hope they come soon.

~*I've got emotion dripping out of my pores*~